How Stella Lost Her Groove

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!  What a great day to discuss the obvious besides love… SEX!

A woman’s libido or sex drive is a beautifully complicated thing.  There are a multitude of factors that play into what stokes the lady fire including: physiological, emotional, mental, and social components.  It also doesn’t help that our society incorporates sex and sexiness into an overwhelming amount of media images and expectations.  This can leave woman (especially woman in their 20’s and 30’s) feeling inadequate and very unsexy.

We are all sexual creatures in one way or another however everyone’s sex drive varies.  There is actually no standard definition of what constitutes a “normal sex drive”; so really you decide what is normal or right for you.  Often major issues can occur when partners in long term relationships start comparing the want for sex with each other or how often they feel they SHOULD be having sex.  Women end up coming up short and the resulting imbalance in sexual chemistry can lead to feelings of guilt, misunderstandings, mutual lowered confidence, and a serious lack of… SEX!

So let’s take a well rounded approach to the factors that need to be taken into consideration when a woman has noticed a change in her libido:

  1. Hormones
    • Our hormones effect our sex drive tremendously; any shift or imbalance in our estrogen and testosterone can cause a lowered sex drive
    • This is especially true for women who use hormonal birth control or who just recently stopped taking oral contraceptives
    • Hypothyroidism is a medical condition involving our endocrine system that indicates an under functioning thyroid which has an effect on our mojo as well
  2. Medication 
    • Several prescription medications such as antidepressants, antipsychotics, and beta-blockers can affect libido
  3. Stress
    • Our body is pretty smart; when we have too much on the go and not enough down time it doesn’t allot resources to making a baby… that just wouldn’t make sense! 
    • Instead our cortisol levels increase and our sympathetic nervous system takes over in an ‘adapt and survive’ mechanism that really isn’t conducive to 'getting it on'
  4. Mental health and happiness
    • Having an underlying mental heath issue such as depression or anxiety can discourage sex drive
    • A lack of self love can cause body image issues, lowered confidence, and disinterest in sex
    • Being in an unhealthy or unsupportive relationship can devastate sexual desire and the want to be closer to our partners
  5. Other medical concerns
    • Having other medical problems (i.e., diabetes)
    • Any vaginal or pelvic pain, burning, irritation, or vaginal spasms can obviously cause stress in anticipation for sex 
    • Recent pregnancy and child birth especially if an episiotomy or natural tearing occurred can create fear that sex will be painful and disinterest in sex can follow
    • Surgeries that affect nerve sensation in the pelvis or vagina, such as a prior hysterectomy can decrease sensation and pleasure  

This is by no means an exhaustive list however it does give you a good picture that there are a lot of factors at play when it comes to a woman’s libido.  Going to see your naturopath or health care practitioner can help you figure out whats really going on.

Aviva Romm M.D. from suggested some great question to ask yourself:
  1. Has there been a recent change in your libido? When was it higher? What changed?
  2. Are you having any medical symptoms, for example, fatigue, dry skin, or weight gain that might indicate an underlying problem?
  3. What’s going on in your personal life: A new baby? Caring for an elderly relative? Trouble with children? Work stress? Other stressors?
  4. What do you believe might be contributing to this decrease in your sex drive?
  5. And perhaps most importantly, how is your relationship with your partner?

So in the mean time here are some tips from your friends the AAAD team to help you get your groove back:
  1. Eat clean 
    • A well balanced diet that is full of lots of fruits and veggies helps you feel and look your best - try to stick to whole unprocessed foods 
    • Avoid excessive sugar, dairy, saturated fats, and processed foods
  2. Get your beauty sleep
    • It’s hard to be horney when you can barely keep your eyes open!  Getting enough shut-eye can dramatically help your energy levels, libido, and sense of well being.  
    • Make sleep a priority 
  3. Feel sexy
    • Try to do something that makes YOU feel sexy - wether it’s getting your nails or hair done, putting on a matching set of bra and panties for once, or taking a sensual milk and honey bath 
  4. Pleasure yourself
    • Giving yourself some loving can also help you feel sexy, learn about how you like to be touched, and help you relax…triple threat!
    • Also there is a theory that if you don’t use it, you loose it!  The more frequently you are able to reach climax the easier it is for you to orgasm with your partner
  5. Try adding maca powder to your morning smoothie
  6. Slow down
    • It’s easy for couples who have been in a long-term relationship to get into familiar sexual patterns.  
    • Next time you and your lover have some time to yourselves take time to build the intimacy - foreplay can be essential for a woman’s body to respond appropriately to sexual stimuli
All in all, at the end of the day if you are not happy, healthy, and in love with yourself and your partner then you may not have your ideal sexual appetite.  Start today by making changes that help you get your groove back!


A long time athlete and health advocate,  Dr. Kumentas’ goal is to help her patients become excited about making positive lifestyle choices in order to enjoy healthier, happier lives.  Her driving force is a passion for healing the whole person on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level using carefully selected natural therapies, fitness, and integrated medicine.  She truly believes in the importance of practising what you preach and investing in your health.  
Dr. Nadia Kumentas practices at Zen Beginnings Wellness Centre in Toronto and has a special interest in dermatology, woman’s health, and pain management.

To learn more about Dr. Nadia Kumentas visit or contact her at

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